When Shared Pain Becomes a Spiritual Entanglement

 Sometimes two people meet at exactly the right time emotionally—but that does not necessarily mean they met at the right time spiritually.

Perhaps both have experienced rejection, abandonment, betrayal, grief or loneliness. Perhaps they are going through something difficult at the same time. They begin talking, opening up and sharing things they have never felt comfortable telling anyone else.

One person understands the other's pain.

The other understands theirs.

There is comfort.

There is vulnerability.

There is a sense of “You understand me in a way nobody else does.”

And before long, a powerful emotional attachment develops.

But there is a question we sometimes fail to ask:

Does sharing pain mean we are meant to share a life?

Not necessarily.

Someone can understand your wounds without being the person God wants you to build your future with.

Someone can comfort you without sharing your faith.

Someone can arrive during one of the most difficult seasons of your life without being the person you are supposed to marry.

And if we are not careful, we can mistake the emotional significance of a relationship for spiritual confirmation.

When Pain Becomes the Foundation

There is nothing wrong with being vulnerable with someone.

There is nothing wrong with telling someone about the difficult things you have experienced.

There is nothing wrong with two people finding comfort in one another during a difficult season.

But there is a difference between sharing your pain and building your relationship around your pain.

When a relationship begins because two people are deeply connected through trauma, grief, rejection or another painful experience, that shared experience can become the foundation of the relationship.

They may continually return to the same wounds.

The same people who hurt them.

The same betrayals.

The same disappointments.

The same fears.

The same sense of being misunderstood by everyone else.

And eventually, the relationship can become less about where the two people are going and more about what happened to them.

There is a difference between saying:

“We have both been through difficult things, but we are growing beyond them.”

And saying:

“You are the only person who understands what I have been through.”

The first can create healthy connection.

The second can create dependency.

Because now the relationship isn't simply about love.

It becomes about being understood.

It becomes about being needed.

It becomes about having someone who validates your pain.

And if that person does not share your faith, this can become particularly dangerous for a believer.

Emotional Compatibility Is Not Spiritual Compatibility

You can have incredible chemistry with someone who does not follow Christ.

You can have deep conversations.

You can understand each other's personalities.

You can share similar interests.

You can make each other laugh.

You can comfort each other when life becomes difficult.

You can even feel as though you have known each other forever.

But none of those things establish spiritual compatibility.

A believer has to consider something deeper than:

“Does this person understand me?”

We must ask:

“Do we believe the same things about God?”

“Are we walking in the same spiritual direction?”

“Do we have the same convictions about how we should live?”

“Can we build a marriage around the same foundation?”

Scripture says:

“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” — 2 Corinthians 6:14, KJV

The issue is not whether an unbeliever can be kind.

The issue is not whether an unbeliever can love you.

The issue is not whether an unbeliever can understand your pain.

The issue is whether the two of you are ultimately walking in the same spiritual direction.

Emotional connection cannot replace spiritual agreement.

When Someone Arrives During Your Most Vulnerable Season

There is another danger we need to consider.

Sometimes a person enters—or re-enters—our lives during a season when we are especially vulnerable.

Perhaps a parent is dying.

Perhaps we have just experienced a breakup.

Perhaps we are grieving.

Perhaps we are lonely.

Perhaps our family is going through a crisis.

Perhaps we are struggling emotionally and desperately need someone to talk to.

And then someone appears.

They listen.

They stay.

They comfort us.

They make us laugh when we haven't laughed in weeks.

They tell us that we don't have to go through this alone.

And because of the timing, their presence can feel incredibly significant.

We might begin thinking:

“Maybe God brought this person back into my life for a reason.”

Perhaps.

But we should be careful.

The timing of someone's arrival does not automatically establish God's approval of the relationship.

A person can be present during your grief without being the person you should marry.

A person can provide comfort without being spiritually compatible with you.

A person can make you feel less alone without being God's answer to your loneliness.

And when we desperately need comfort, we can become so grateful for the relief someone provides that we stop examining the relationship itself.

When We Decide What Something Means

This is where discernment becomes so important.

We can sometimes decide what a relationship means before we have actually examined it.

We think:

“God brought them back.”

Then everything that happens afterward becomes evidence supporting that conclusion.

You reconnect.

Things go well.

You spend more time together.

You become closer.

You start making plans.

And each new development seems to confirm what you already decided:

“See? This must be God's doing.”

But we have to be careful.

Once we decide that God has sent someone to us, we can start interpreting every circumstance through that assumption.

Instead of asking God for wisdom, we begin looking for confirmation.

Instead of examining the person's character, convictions and direction, we focus on how strongly we feel about them.

Instead of asking whether the relationship agrees with God's Word, we ask whether the relationship is making us happy.

And eventually, we may become so emotionally invested that questioning the relationship feels like questioning God Himself.

But those are not the same thing.

A relationship feeling significant does not automatically make it divinely appointed.

“But God Sent Them Back to Me”

This is where we need to be especially careful.

Sometimes people reason:

“This person came back into my life after years, so God must have brought them back.”

But people can return to our lives for many reasons.

People make their own decisions.

People change.

People reconnect.

People become lonely.

People remember the past.

People want another chance.

People seek familiarity.

Not every person who returns has been sent by God.

And not every open door is an invitation from God to walk through it.

Sometimes a door opens simply because someone opened it.

That is why we need more than circumstances.

We need wisdom.

We need discernment.

We need Scripture.

And we need the willingness to accept an answer we may not want.

When We Ignore What We Already Know

Sometimes the most revealing part of a situation is not what happens after we become attached.

It is what we knew before we became attached.

Perhaps there was hesitation.

Perhaps something didn't sit right.

Perhaps you knew their character had previously caused problems.

Perhaps you knew that you wanted a partner who shared your faith.

Perhaps you knew that the relationship would create complications.

Perhaps you even told yourself:

“I don't think this is a good idea.”

And yet you went ahead.

Why?

Because we can override discernment when we desperately want something to work.

We tell ourselves that we should give someone another chance.

We tell ourselves that people change.

We tell ourselves that perhaps this time will be different.

And sometimes it is.

But we should never confuse hope with evidence.

We should never allow emotional attachment to silence legitimate concerns.

And we should never allow our desire for companionship to make us abandon convictions we once considered important.

When Vulnerability Becomes Dependency

There is also a distinction between being supported by someone and becoming dependent upon them.

Healthy relationships can involve support.

But when someone becomes the only person who understands you, the only person you can talk to, the only person who makes you feel safe, or the only person you believe you can turn to, the attachment can become incredibly difficult to break.

Now losing the relationship does not simply mean losing a romantic partner.

It feels like losing your emotional safety.

Your confidant.

Your comfort.

Your sense of being understood.

Your connection to the past.

And that can make a relationship feel almost impossible to walk away from—even when you recognise that something about it is wrong.

This is why Scripture tells us:

“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” — Proverbs 4:23, KJV

Guarding your heart does not mean becoming cold.

It means understanding that your emotions have influence over your decisions.

And the stronger the attachment becomes, the harder it can become to make an objective decision about the relationship.

Your Pain May Explain the Connection, But It Does Not Determine the Future

Perhaps this is one of the most important things we can understand.

Your pain may explain why you connected with someone. It does not, by itself, establish that you should remain connected to them.

Maybe they understood you when nobody else did.

Maybe they were there when you were at your lowest.

Maybe they helped you through something incredibly painful.

Maybe you genuinely love them.

All of that can be true.

And you can still need to ask whether the relationship is actually aligned with God.

You do not have to deny that the connection was meaningful in order to recognise that it may not be right for your future.

And you do not have to turn someone into a terrible person in order to acknowledge that you should not build a life with them.

Sometimes the person wasn't necessarily the problem.

The foundation was.

Do Not Build Your Future Around Your Wounds

There is a difference between allowing your past to shape your wisdom and allowing your past to determine your relationships.

If two people have both suffered, they can encourage one another to heal, mature, take responsibility and grow.

But if they continually reinforce one another's wounds, grievances and victimhood, the relationship can become a place where neither person really moves forward.

They keep returning to the same pain.

The same stories.

The same disappointments.

The same identity:

“Look what happened to me.”

But God does not call us to remain permanently defined by what happened to us.

Our wounds may be part of our testimony, but they are not supposed to become our identity.

There comes a point where we must ask:

Am I growing beyond this, or have I built my identity around it?

And if the person beside you continually reinforces the latter, emotional familiarity should not be confused with healthy companionship.

The Person Who Understands Your Pain Is Not Necessarily the Person Who Shares Your Purpose

This is where we need to look beyond the present moment.

Someone may understand where you've been.

But can they walk with you where God is taking you?

Someone may understand your pain.

But do they understand your faith?

Someone may know your past.

But do they respect the convictions that shape your future?

Someone may make you feel safe emotionally.

But are you spiritually walking in the same direction?

These questions matter.

Because marriage is not simply about finding someone who understands your wounds.

It is about finding someone with whom you can build a life.

And for a believer, that life cannot be separated from God.

Do Not Mistake Relief for Confirmation

Sometimes the person we become attached to does not actually solve our problem.

They simply make the problem hurt less.

If you are lonely, they give you companionship.

If you are grieving, they give you comfort.

If you feel rejected, they make you feel wanted.

If you feel misunderstood, they make you feel understood.

And because the pain becomes quieter when they are around, you can start believing:

“This person must be God's answer.”

But perhaps they are simply meeting a need that was already there.

That does not automatically tell you whether the relationship is right.

A temporary relief from pain is not necessarily divine confirmation.

And this is why we must be willing to step back from the emotional intensity of a relationship and examine it honestly.

Can Two Walk Together?

Amos asks:

“Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” — Amos 3:3, KJV

This is an important question to consider.

Not:

“Do we love each other?”

Not:

“Do we understand each other?”

Not:

“Do we have chemistry?”

Not:

“Did they come into my life at exactly the right time?”

But:

“Are we walking in the same direction?”

Because eventually, feelings have to become decisions.

And decisions have consequences.

A relationship built upon shared pain may feel incredibly deep.

A relationship formed during grief may feel incredibly significant.

A relationship with someone who understands you may feel impossible to replace.

But none of those things should prevent a believer from asking whether the relationship is actually bringing them into greater obedience to God.

Choose Truth Over Attachment

It can be painful to acknowledge that someone who became important to you may not belong in your future.

Especially when they were there during a season when you desperately needed someone.

But we cannot allow gratitude to become a reason for disobedience.

We cannot say:

“They were there for me when nobody else was, so I have to keep them.”

We cannot say:

“They understand me, so I cannot walk away.”

We cannot say:

“God must have sent them because they came back at exactly the right time.”

We have to be willing to surrender even our most meaningful attachments to God.

Because ultimately, our question should not be:

“How strongly do I feel connected to this person?”

It should be:

“Is this relationship helping me walk faithfully with God?”

And if the answer is no, emotional intensity does not change the answer.

You can honour what happened without continuing it.

You can appreciate what someone meant to you without making them your future.

You can acknowledge that they helped you through a difficult season without deciding that they were sent to stay forever.

And you can love someone without allowing that love to take God's place.

A Final Thought

Sometimes we meet someone in our brokenness and think they have been sent to complete us.

But perhaps the lesson is not that God sent them to stay.

Perhaps the lesson is that we were vulnerable enough to form an attachment before we were wise enough to examine it.

That is why we must learn to slow down.

Do not let grief choose your spouse.

Do not let loneliness choose your spouse.

Do not let trauma choose your spouse.

Do not let emotional dependency choose your spouse.

And do not let the fact that someone understands your past convince you that they belong in your future.

Bring the relationship before God.

Examine the fruit.

Examine the character.

Examine the convictions.

Examine the direction.

And most importantly, examine whether you are becoming more obedient to God or more willing to compromise Him because of the attachment.

Because someone can meet you in your pain and still not be the person you are meant to walk with.

Your wounds may explain where the connection began. They do not determine where your life should go.

And sometimes the most loving thing you can do for your future is to stop asking, “Why did God bring this person into my life?”

and start asking,

“What is God asking me to learn from why I became attached?”

https://www.yeshuachristislife.com/post/when-shared-pain-becomes-a-spiritual-entanglement

Good Vibes Are Not the Same as God’s Approval

 There is a particular danger that can exist in relationships and in life that we do not always recognise.

Sometimes nothing appears to be wrong.

The relationship feels good. The money is good. The holidays are good. The chemistry is good. The conversations are good. There is laughter, affection, comfort and companionship.

So we conclude:

“Everything must be okay.”

But is it?

One of the easiest ways to remain in something that God has never asked us to remain in is to judge our circumstances by how they feel rather than by what is true.

A life can be comfortable and still be spiritually misaligned.

A relationship can feel wonderful and still be pulling us away from God.

And sometimes the absence of difficulty does not mean that we are walking in the right direction. Sometimes it simply means that we have become comfortable enough that we have stopped questioning the direction we are going.

When Everything Is Going Well, We Can Stop Asking Questions

Challenges have a strange way of making us think.

When money becomes tight, we evaluate our decisions.

When a relationship becomes difficult, we start asking whether something needs to change.

When our plans fall apart, we are forced to slow down.

When something hurts, we often become more willing to examine what is happening underneath the surface.

But what happens when everything seems to be working?

You may have no financial pressure.

You may be travelling together.

You may have a comfortable home.

You may both have good jobs.

You may be enjoying yourselves.

You may rarely argue.

And because there is no obvious crisis demanding your attention, you can become distracted from the questions that matter most.

Is this relationship honouring God?

Are we equally yoked?

Are the decisions we are making actually biblical?

Is this relationship helping me draw closer to God or making it easier for me to compromise?

Am I following God's wisdom, or am I simply following what feels good?

Those questions can become very inconvenient when life feels pleasant.

And that is precisely why they are so important.

When You Already Know Something Is Wrong

Perhaps one of the most dangerous situations is when a believer already knows something is wrong, but eventually becomes comfortable enough with it that they stop treating it as wrong.

Consider a believer who enters a relationship with someone who does not share their faith.

They know what Scripture says about being unequally yoked.

They know that marriage is not merely about attraction, companionship and having fun together. It is a spiritual covenant, and the direction of two people's lives matters.

They may even recognise the problem themselves.

They may wrestle with it.

They may pray about it.

They may tell themselves that they need to leave.

They may even have moments where they clearly recognise that the relationship is pulling them away from what they know to be right.

But then something happens.

They have a wonderful holiday together.

They laugh.

They enjoy one another's company.

They experience physical intimacy.

They have money to spend.

They travel.

They go out for dinner.

Their careers are going well.

They come home happy.

And suddenly the conviction that once seemed so important becomes much easier to ignore.

Why?

Because the relationship is satisfying desires they deeply want fulfilled.

And this is where a believer can become spiritually deceived—not necessarily because they have stopped knowing what God's Word says, but because what they want has become louder than what they know.

The relationship feels good, so they begin interpreting the feeling as confirmation.

They think:

“Maybe I was being too extreme.”

“Maybe God doesn't mind.”

“Look how happy we are.”

“Things are going so well.”

“Maybe this person will change eventually.”

But none of those things answer the actual question.

Does this relationship honour God?

A vacation cannot answer that.

Chemistry cannot answer that.

Sexual attraction cannot answer that.

Money cannot answer that.

A good salary cannot answer that.

Having fun together cannot answer that.

Only God's truth can answer that.

The Relationship Does Not Have to Be Miserable to Be Wrong

This is something many believers struggle to understand.

We sometimes imagine that if something is outside of God's will, it should immediately fall apart.

We expect constant arguments, heartbreak, betrayal, financial problems or obvious dysfunction.

But what if the relationship is actually enjoyable?

What if the two people genuinely have fun together?

What if they travel and make beautiful memories?

What if they make each other laugh?

What if there is affection and companionship?

What if they are financially comfortable?

None of those things automatically make the relationship spiritually right.

A relationship can be enjoyable and still be disobedient.

That is an uncomfortable truth.

Because sometimes the very reason a person remains somewhere they should reconsider is that they are enjoying themselves too much to want to obey.

We cannot say:

“It feels good, therefore God must be in it.”

Our feelings are not God's Word.

Our circumstances are not God's Word.

Our comfort is not God's Word.

And our happiness does not give us permission to disregard what God has already made clear.

When Pleasure Silences Conviction

This is where we have to be honest about the flesh.

Our flesh does not always want what God wants.

There are things we can deeply desire that God still tells us to deny ourselves.

Jesus said:

“If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.”— Matthew 16:24, KJV

Following Christ sometimes means saying no to something that feels very good.

That is precisely why obedience matters.

If obedience only required us to give up things we already disliked, there would be very little sacrifice involved.

The difficult test comes when we desperately want something that God has told us not to pursue.

And this is where a person has to decide:

Do I love this enough to disobey God for it?

Because sometimes that is what is really happening.

A person may never consciously say, “I am choosing this relationship instead of God.”

But their decisions can communicate exactly that.

They know what Scripture says.

They know what they believe.

They have experienced conviction.

And yet they continue because the relationship satisfies desires they are unwilling to surrender.

At that point, the question is no longer whether they know God's will.

The question is whether they are willing to obey it.

Do Not Confuse Provision With Permission

This is another important distinction.

God allowing something to continue does not necessarily mean He approves of it.

People sometimes reason:

“If God didn't want this, He would stop it.”

But Scripture does not teach us that everything God permits is something He approves of.

Human beings have free will. God can allow people to make decisions that He has already warned them against.

He can allow someone to remain in a relationship.

He can allow someone to prosper financially.

He can allow someone to experience temporary happiness.

And yet His Word remains His Word.

Our circumstances do not rewrite Scripture.

Our emotions do not rewrite Scripture.

Our bank accounts do not rewrite Scripture.

And our relationship status certainly does not rewrite Scripture.

Sometimes We Are Not Looking for God's Will—We Are Looking for His Approval

This is where the issue becomes even deeper.

Sometimes we say we are asking God what He wants, but what we really want is for God to approve what we want.

We already know what we desire.

We already know which person we want.

We already know which relationship we want to continue.

We already know which decision would make us happiest.

So we look for signs that will allow us to continue without having to confront the uncomfortable truth.

We point to the good times.

We point to the money.

We point to the chemistry.

We point to the opportunities.

We point to how happy we feel.

But none of those things necessarily answer the question:

“Is this what God wants?”

There is a difference between asking God to lead us and asking God to bless the direction we have already chosen.

“I’m Sure God Understands”

There is another phrase we can use when we know something is not right but do not want to give it up:

“I'm sure God understands.”

And yes, God understands.

He understands our desires.

He understands our loneliness.

He understands our attraction.

He understands our emotional attachment.

He understands how difficult it can be to surrender something we desperately want.

He understands the circumstances surrounding our decisions better than anyone else does.

But we can easily take the truth that God understands us and turn it into an excuse for disobedience.

We can start telling ourselves:

“I'm sure God understands why I'm staying.”

“I'm sure God understands that I love this person.”

“I'm sure God understands that this relationship makes me happy.”

“I'm sure God understands that I don't want to start over.”

“I'm sure God understands that I have needs.”

And perhaps the most dangerous part is that there is a little bit of truth in all of it.

He does understand.

But understanding something does not mean approving it.

A parent can understand why their child made a poor decision without approving the decision.

And God can understand exactly why we are tempted without changing what He has already told us is right.

God's compassion is not permission to disobey Him.

His understanding of our weakness does not mean we should make peace with our weakness.

In fact, Scripture tells us:

“If ye love me, keep my commandments.”— John 14:15, KJV

The question is therefore not simply:

“Does God understand why I'm doing this?”

Of course He does.

The better question is:

“Even though God understands me, am I willing to obey Him?”

Because sometimes “God understands” is not faith.

Sometimes it is simply a more comfortable way of saying:

“I know what God says, but I really don't want to give this up.”

And we need to be honest enough with ourselves to recognise the difference.

Comfort Can Become a Spiritual Distraction

The enemy does not always need to destroy someone's life to keep them distracted from God.

Sometimes comfort is enough.

Enough money to stay entertained.

Enough success to feel secure.

Enough affection to feel satisfied.

Enough travel to stay busy.

Enough pleasure to avoid sitting still.

Enough happiness that we never stop long enough to examine whether our lives are actually aligned with God's Word.

A person can be spiritually asleep while their earthly life appears to be going beautifully.

And sometimes the greatest distraction is not a bad life.

It is a good life that has become more important to us than God.

That is why we should not wait for everything to fall apart before we examine ourselves.

We should not need heartbreak to ask whether our relationship is honouring God.

We should not need financial hardship to ask whether we are making wise decisions.

We should not need a crisis to remember that God should be at the centre of our lives.

When Everything Is Good, Still Seek God

There is nothing wrong with enjoying good things.

God is not against happiness, marriage, prosperity, holidays, friendship, laughter or beautiful experiences.

The problem begins when those things become so satisfying that we stop seeking Him.

We should not need a crisis to remember God.

We should not need heartbreak to examine our lives.

We should not need hardship before we become willing to ask difficult questions.

Seek God while things are good.

Thank Him when life is peaceful.

Ask Him for wisdom when everything appears to be working.

Examine your decisions even when you are happy with them.

Because the greatest test of our relationship with God is not always what we do when everything falls apart.

Sometimes it is what we do when everything appears to be going perfectly.

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”— Matthew 6:33, KJV

The order matters.

Seek God first.

Not after the relationship.

Not after the money.

Not after the holiday.

Not after the career.

Not after everything else has been made comfortable.

God comes first.

Because if God's Word tells us to surrender something, we cannot use the happiness it gives us as evidence that we should keep it.

If the relationship satisfies our flesh but requires us to compromise our obedience, the good feelings do not make the compromise righteous.

And if we know something is contrary to God's will, continuing to enjoy it does not make the conviction disappear.

It simply gives us more opportunities to ignore it.

So perhaps one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves is this:

If the comfort disappeared tomorrow, would I still believe this was God's will?

And even more importantly:

If God asked me to surrender the very thing I want most, would I still choose Him?

Because ultimately, following God is not about getting Him to agree with our desires.

It is about being willing to surrender our desires to Him.

Do I want God's will—or do I simply want God to approve of mine?

That is a question worth being brave enough to answer.

https://www.yeshuachristislife.com/post/good-vibes-are-not-the-same-as-god-s-approval

The Heart Is Not Your Guide — Seek First the Kingdom of God

 The world has a very popular piece of advice:

“Follow your heart.”

We hear it in relationships, career decisions, dreams, friendships, and almost every area of life. If something feels right, we are encouraged to pursue it. If our heart desires something strongly enough, we are told that we should trust those feelings.

But is this Biblical wisdom?

The Bible actually gives us a very different instruction.

Jesus said:

Matthew 6:33 (KJV) But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Jesus did not tell us to follow our hearts.

He told us to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness.

There is an important difference.

Your Feelings Are Not Your Authority

God created us with emotions. There is nothing inherently wrong with feeling deeply, experiencing love, excitement, joy, sadness, or desire.

The problem begins when we allow our emotions to become the authority over our decisions.

Our feelings can be genuine without being accurate.

We can genuinely want something that God does not want for us.

We can genuinely love someone who is not good for us.

We can genuinely feel excited about an opportunity that God has not called us to pursue.

We can genuinely believe something is right because it feels right, while completely overlooking what God has said.

This is why Scripture warns us about trusting our own hearts.

Jeremiah 17:9 (KJV) The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

The Bible does not present the human heart as an infallible guide.

So why would we make our hearts the authority for our lives?

“But It Feels So Right”

This is where things can become particularly dangerous.

A person can experience powerful emotions and immediately interpret those emotions as confirmation from God.

Perhaps they meet someone and feel an incredible connection.

They cannot stop thinking about that person.

They feel unusually drawn to them.

They feel happy when they are together.

They begin imagining a future.

And eventually they start saying:

“I think God brought this person into my life.”

But how do they know?

Feeling strongly about someone does not automatically mean God has ordained the relationship.

Your heart may be telling you what you want. That does not mean God is telling you what He wants.

This is especially important in relationships because heightened emotions can affect our ability to see clearly.

When we become emotionally attached to someone, we can begin overlooking things that we would have recognized immediately if we were looking at the situation objectively.

We may excuse behaviour we would normally reject.

We may ignore warning signs.

We may compromise convictions.

We may move faster than wisdom would allow.

We may convince ourselves that something must be from God simply because we desperately want it to be.

And then we call it “following our heart.”

But following our heart is not the same thing as following God.

What Seems Right Is Not Always Right

Scripture gives us another warning:

Proverbs 14:12 (KJV) There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.

Notice the wording:

“Seemeth right.”

Something can appear right and still be wrong.

Something can feel right and still be unwise.

Something can make perfect sense to us and still not be God's will.

This is why we cannot use our feelings as our primary method of determining what God wants.

Our feelings are part of us, but they were never designed to be our god.

Seek God Before You Seek the Desire

So what should we do instead?

We seek God first.

Jesus said:

Matthew 6:33 (KJV) But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Notice the order.

Seek first the kingdom.

Not:

Seek the relationship first.

Seek the career first.

Seek the money first.

Seek the dream first.

Seek the desire first.

And then ask God to make it work.

God comes first.

His righteousness comes first.

His will comes first.

Our desires must come underneath Him.

This changes the question we ask.

Instead of:

“How can I get what I want?”

we begin asking:

“Lord, what do You want?”

Instead of:

“Does this make me happy?”

we ask:

“Does this honour God?”

Instead of:

“Do I feel like this is right?”

we ask:

“What does Your Word say?”

That is the beginning of wisdom.

Do Not Lean on Your Own Understanding

The Bible gives us another powerful instruction:

Proverbs 3:5–7 (KJV) Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

We are specifically told not to lean on our own understanding.

Why?

Because we do not see everything God sees.

We do not know everything He knows.

We cannot see the future.

We cannot always see another person's motives.

We cannot always recognize where a particular decision will eventually lead.

And sometimes our own desires can make us interpret circumstances according to what we already want.

This is why we need God.

Wisdom Slows You Down

When emotions become intense, wisdom can seem frustrating.

Your heart wants an answer now.

Your emotions want certainty now.

You want to know whether the relationship will work.

You want to know whether this is the person.

You want to know whether you should take the opportunity.

You want to know whether the dream will happen.

But wisdom is not afraid to wait.

Wisdom is willing to say:

“I don't know yet.”

Wisdom is willing to observe.

Wisdom asks questions.

Wisdom seeks counsel.

Wisdom examines the fruit.

Wisdom tests things against the Word of God.

And wisdom gives God room to reveal what we cannot see for ourselves.

Do Not Ask God to Bless What You Have Already Decided

One of the easiest ways to deceive ourselves is to make the decision first and then ask God to bless it.

We decide what we want.

We become emotionally attached to it.

Then we pray:

“God, please let this be Your will.”

But seeking God's will means being willing to accept an answer that is different from the one we want.

That is where surrender becomes real.

If we only want God's guidance when it agrees with our desires, then we are not truly seeking His will.

We are seeking confirmation of our own will.

There is a difference.

The Heart Can Desire What God Has Not Promised

We must also be careful with the idea that every strong desire has been placed in our hearts by God.

Sometimes Christians say:

“God wouldn't have given me this desire if He didn't intend for me to have it.”

But Scripture does not give us that promise.

We have desires for many things.

Some are good.

Some are selfish.

Some are influenced by fear.

Some are influenced by our experiences.

Some come from our flesh.

And some may genuinely be desires that God uses—but we still need to seek Him rather than assuming their source.

Our desire is not proof.

Our emotion is not proof.

Our circumstances are not always proof.

God's Word remains the standard.

This Applies to More Than Relationships

Relationships are an obvious example, but this principle applies everywhere.

You may desperately want a particular career.

You may feel drawn toward a particular business opportunity.

You may want to move somewhere.

You may want to spend money on something.

You may want to pursue a particular friendship.

You may have a dream for your future.

None of these desires are automatically wrong.

But the question remains:

Have you sought God first?

We should not build our lives around whatever desire happens to be strongest at the moment.

We should seek the kingdom of God and allow Him to direct our paths.

Let God Lead Your Heart

There is something beautiful about surrendering our desires to God.

We do not have to pretend that we do not have emotions.

We do not have to deny what we feel.

We simply refuse to make our feelings the final authority.

We can say:

“Lord, this is what I desire—but Your will matters more than mine.”

“Lord, I really want this—but if it is not from You, close the door.”

“Lord, I have strong feelings about this—but I do not want my feelings to deceive me.”

“Show me the truth, even if the truth is not what I want.”

That is a heart that is seeking God.

Seek First

The world tells you:

Follow your heart.

God tells you:

Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness.

There is wisdom in knowing the difference.

Your emotions may be telling you what you want.

Your desires may be telling you what you hope for.

Your flesh may be telling you what feels good.

But none of these should become your master.

Bring your heart before God.

Bring your desires before God.

Bring your relationships before God.

Bring your decisions before God.

And let Him lead you.

Because the goal is not to get God to approve of the path we have already chosen.

The goal is to know His will and be willing to walk in it.

So before you follow your heart, ask yourself:

Have I sought the kingdom of God first?

Am I being led by God's truth, or by the intensity of my emotions?

Am I asking God what He wants, or asking Him to bless what I already want?

Your heart can desire something deeply.

But God must remain your guide.

Seek first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness.

https://www.yeshuachristislife.com/post/the-heart-is-not-your-guide-seek-first-the-kingdom-of-god